Dear Readers.
I still couldn’t stand the pain
until now by how fast the time flies. And hell, as I always mentioned, it’s
getting faster as I grow up. If I may flashback couple years ago when I was a
kid, when I couldn’t sleep and wide-awake all night, the only thing I waited
for was the morning to come up. But it took so long like years, clock was
ticking so slowly at that time, it felt like “morning never come up”. I’d woke my
dad who slept next to me and cried.
“Dad, I can’t sleep at all, what
should I do?!”
My dad said “just try to close your
eyes. Empty your mind, and just think about the places you feel peaceful in,
then you’d be sleepy”.
I tried to do what my dad said, it
was hard at first because I had many things on my mind and I couldn’t just let
them go. But I kept trying and then I finally fell asleep, and the morning
eventually came up.
Yet, now is the opposite. I would
never cry to wait for the morning to come up ever again in my life. I would
never have to wait that long cause morning always comes faster than it used to.
Even right when I just close my eyes to sleep, morning comes already. Yes, they
come that fast. Clock is ticking so quick by now, I don’t know why, it’s
probably just because technology’s improvement. They created a damn super power
battery, they double-up its energy so that it makes the hands of clock rotating
as quickly as the plane’s propeller. Screw ‘em! 24 hours in a day is no longer
enough for me. I want it some more.
Maybe for those who followed my
updates in this blog will notice that I complained about the time way too
much. I couldn’t stop blaming the time over and over again for what happened to
me. I just can’t get over it. I know it’s kinda unfair and selfish. But the
thing is, I don’t know who else to blame. Blaming myself? Blaming my friends?
No, I don’t think so. Blaming some things would be better instead of blaming
some ones after all.
***
For your information, in the last Thursday,
August 20th 2015, I defended my thesis and I’ve passed. Now I have
already had two additional letters behind my name. Arif Alfarisi, ST (Bachelor
of Engineering). If you guys wonder how I feel back then? I literally couldn’t be
happier. You know, all the hard works is finally paid off. Who wouldn’t be
happy for that? No ones I guess. As one of my friends who had been doing her
thesis defend, when we were at the canteen two days before my thesis defend, said
that:
“Thesis defend is like –sorry to
say– holding on the fart. Your stomach is getting full-with-air more everyday
but you can’t fart until the day of your thesis defend comes. And when it does come,
it’s like a turning point. The moment your professor announced that you’ve
passed, at that time, all the air in your stomach will be released, you’ll big-fart
and you’ll feel free and happy. That’s how thesis defend works”.
Actually, I find it really funny by
how she compered thesis defend with fart, plus, she said it loud in canteen
where other people was having lunch there. LOL. But yes, what she said was
totally true. It was exactly what I felt. The seconds after my professor
announced that I’ve been passing the test, I couldn’t stop smiling and I
couldn’t stop thanking God for getting me thru that day. And I BIG-FARTED. I
got no loads on my shoulder at all. It’s all gone. I grabbed my phone and then
called my parents. Yes, I was happy and free. Even though thesis defend is
actually not the end, there’s still another steps that have to be carried out
then, not to mention “job seeking”, but at least it does feel like the end. Trust
me! And it makes us feeling happy and free. That’s the only matter.
Incidentally, there were a few reasons
that make me happy at that time. First, of course because I’ve eventually passed
the test after the roller-caster things I’ve been through. Second, because I
was not alone. I got people I could share my jittery with when I was about to
get inside the test-room. I got people I could share my gladness with when I
stepped out the door of the test-room. And I even got people I could ask to, whether
the tie or the shoes that I used fit with my clothes and stuff. Yeah, that’s
whom we called friends, best friends, close friends, pals, or whatever. The ones
that always give a nudge and put their support on you in happiness or sickness.
Or, the ones who always be with you, ups and downs. Because that’s what a real friends
are for.
Honestly, I was not a pals-believer
kind of guy before. I mean, I used to believe in best friends stuff and I do
have best friends in high school and also childhood best friends, which now we barely
talk to each other. Yet, since I went to college, freshman year, sophomore year,
and even junior year, I did not share that believe anymore. It might because I couldn’t
find someone I could deeply talk to and someone I could really trust to, and
also someone who gets my way. So, it means I did not have best friends. Somehow
I was just fine that way. I could be friend to anyone and I could go with
everyone as well. But the thing that I couldn’t do was that if I got any
problems, I didn’t have people I could share it to. I had to keep it by my own.
Yes, that’s the suck-est thing you’d get if you don’t have any best friends.
Then, I made a move in senior year.
I started to get close to some people which now I call them best friends. I don’t
remember what makes me close to them, where, and when, and I don’t even know
what kind of thing that makes me believe about the best friends stuff again. Time
passed just the way they are. The thing I distinctly remember was that I just
go with the flow unnoticeably and then I already find myself being a part of
them. But, personally, I really thank them for welcoming me to be a part of
their wolf-packs. I thank them for trying to be cool with my odd kind of habits.
I feel blessed, seriously! Okay, here’s their names: Cindo, Ridwan, Fauzan,
Rheza, Damar, Haris.
Recently, I’ve been reading a book “the
perks of being a wallflower” cuz I have nothing to do. And I also watched a
series movie “friends”. I quoted a words form it. It says “sometimes, things don’t
work out the way you thought they should”. Well, it’s a well-said, and I couldn’t
agree more because I got experience on it by now. I thought, things are going
to be fine after thesis-defend. I thought I could do my thesis-revision right
away, but the fact was that I get abandoned by my professor cuz he left to
Malaysia for a week. I thought I could get my completion document (SKL) right
away, but the fact was that I got a problem and I have to wait a few days for
it. And I thought I do not have to pay for the 9th semester tuition,
but the fact is that I have to. Yes
indeed, all the thing are beyond my expectation. They don’t work out the way I thought
they would and they should. But what can I say? It is what it is. It has meant
to be. I could do nothing.
***
Well, actually that’s not what I’m
attempting to tell you. I mean, that’s not the point of this writing. What I’m
gonna tell you is still about the time. Blaming the time to be exact.
I can’t believe now I’ve graduated
from college. I can’t believe I am now a bachelor of engineering. It’s just
like a blink of an eye, or a glimpse. They’re just huge for me. 4 years feel
like nothing. You know, it feels like last week I just graduated from high
school, and got accepted in college, majoring Civil and Environmental
Engineering. I could feel that excitement still. I still could remember how cool
I was, I thought, being a freshman. Met some new friends, culture shock,
diversity of languages, and a freedom. Gosh, I missed that moment.
Now what I can do is just letting
the time take it all away from us, from me in particular. Well, that’s why I seem
to be hate time so much. They took all the good memories I used to have and
they give me something that left unspoken, is a future. Passing the final test
(thesis defend) mean a lot to me. Yes, like A LOT. Because it forces me to
think what kind of plans I would run first, what kind of steps I am gonna take
next. And what kind of actions I have to do. I’m pretty scared of the future.
Well I know it actually doesn’t have to be scary. One of friends once tagged me
in an instagram’s quote photo, it said “the man who scared of the future is the
man who have no any vision of life”. Well, I got it, and I agreed with it. The thing
is, I don’t think I’m scared of the future because of that. I have any vision
of life. I really do. And I’ve even settled it up long before I went to college.
On that vision I picture myself being a success men, have a beautiful wife, smart
kids, stay in a mansion and live my life peacefully. But, in other hand I don’t
know exactly what makes me really freak out of the future. Perhaps, because I just
love living in the moment. But later, I’m gonna try to figure it out.
Well, maybe that’s all I could tell you. I just
hope the best for me and for everyone. I just hope I could figure out everything
that I haven’t know yet. And I hope I could make all of my vision do come true
someday. and would not be scared of the future anymore, because I shouldn't have. The gist of this writing is, on behalf of time, I hate them.
